Before I begin writing this one, a disclaimer to avoid misinterpretation:
I’m writing this just to show the people I’ll be dedicating this post to and the world, of course, that I am happy and thankful that such memories happened to my always-been colorful life. Yes, it took me years to finally realize their purpose and now, I guess I mustered enough courage to say this.
Let’s go time-travelling, shall we? Won’t be mentioning the year, though. I’ll give everyone the benefit of the doubt.
It would be corny if I began this with, “once upon a time…”
But one thing I’ll definitely agree; this was somehow a fairy tale with a bittersweet ending.
To the one who broke my heart a long time ago, you are a devil. You’re so good at luring the innocent and the love-blinded ones to your hell. You always get what you wanted; from the material ones to that kind of admiration, or should I say… obsession. The ones who’ve known your true colors surely hate that part of yours, and I should be one of them.
I guess I’m not.
I chose to break free from you because everyone knows how undeserving you were back then. It was pretty hilarious when I found out that you actually gave home to that heart whom you’ve broken with your lies and unfulfilled promises. I didn’t believe it at first, but you were never ready for me to leave you.
You weren’t aware that your heart aches for each time I cried. You didn’t give a damn thing about the chance you were wasting.
And when I left, you began chasing me. I was a bit far from you when you’ve expressed your regrets. You just made everything complicated.
As I stepped miles away, I crushed every bit of you and that is something I should be satisfied of.
But, I’m not.
Little did I know, I was actually killing myself too. I deceived myself with the idea that I will win if I hurt you. I kept burying my love for you when I shouldn’t. I was in denial and when I realized my mistakes, I saw how stupid I was.
Then, it was too late.
We drifted apart, and that was the end of everything. We closed this chapter with acceptance and rebooting the remains we could still use; our friendship and the lessons we learned from our dismissed commitment.
I didn’t expect that you’d go back to hurting others, again. Furious as I was, I gave you the taste of what’s like to be fooled. I am uncertain if you’d finally realize the point, but I’m sure you still hate me for that. I am guilty indeed, I shouldn’t have done that.
Wherever you are, whatever it is you’re doing as of now, I pray that you’d completely change. I know that there’s always a part of you that is kind, compassionate and sincere. I pray for your happiness and success in life. I still believe that you’re actually a lost angel, and as you breathe, you’ll always be deserving for new beginnings.
To my confidant in fair and foul weather, you’re a blessing indeed. You’re always there to listen and comfort me. You never failed to make me smile, especially during the times I grieved for my shattered self. Maybe that’s when I started to love you for real.
I’ve always admired you for your decency, composure and your thoughts. The way you see things are like the ones I’ve read in my favorite books; the ones I should be instilling in my mind. You were a role model; you’re beautiful with your imperfections.
You’re a walking artwork, with light and darkness. The beauty of your heart shines in either of the two sides, and that reason is more than enough for you to be loved.
In our unconsciousness, we became fond of each other’s presence. It was like we had our own world and I had fun staying in it. Those days were never dull to me.
We loved each other, that’s a fact. But it was undeniable that we can’t be together. We were never broken with that though, just bent. The acceptance of such reality was hard for the two of us but it was worth the tears and sleepless nights of thinking. The questions left unanswered should just be left as is. Only God knows, and we both have the faith in Him.
I am glad that we’re still friends until now. You remained as one of the few whom I can rely on.
I pray that you will find what you’re looking for the past years. I am happy to see you grow, and I’m hoping to find you in one of the coffee shops near our former university, or maybe we could hang out with our friends. That would be fun.
I can’t wait to hear from you soon. Always take good care of yourself, old friend.
Should I call these love letters? Maybe. That was still love in a different form.
Regardless, I will be forever grateful of your existences. God allowed the two of you to become a part of my life for His beautiful purpose.
Writing from deep within,
Wins.
